By Dilip Bobb
Picture this: a chowkidar surrounded by a posse of heavily armed commandos for his protection complete with a cavalcade of bullet proof limousines. That honour, of course, is reserved for Chowkidar Number One who considers himself guardian of the galaxy, protector of all things valuable and crime buster to keep a check on the corrupt and enemies of the people which mostly seems to include the Gandhi family. He even has a caller tune for those in trouble. Chowkidars across the country are uniformly happy to be in such exalted company but others are not so sure, as a discussion among RWA members in an upscale Delhi colony reveals.
RWA Member 1: This Main bhi chowkidar thing is getting out of hand. My chowkidar has been with me for 17 years quite happily sitting or sleeping on a chair outside my gate but now he is making some outrageous demands.
RWA member 2: Like what, please tell, my chowkidar has asked to speak with me, says it’s a matter of national importance. He says I can also contact him on his twitter handle @Bholanath be brave
RWA Member 1: Well, mine has a cabin with a table fan but now he wants a reclining chair with massage function, HD TV, a cooler, three course dinner and a direct line to the PMO.
RWA member 3: Did you agree?
RWA member1: I went to give him a piece of my mind along with his dinner but he was fast asleep. Mind you, this was 10 pm and his duty starts at 8 pm.
RWA member 4: Did you get him from an agency?
RWA member 1: Yes, it’s been renamed recently; it’s now called Modi Sena.
RWA member 5: Yes, I read about that, they have been trained to sleep very little and do lots of yoga but I am confused about this new chowkidar role the PM has adopted. Is that why he is always travelling across the country and abroad to catch crooks and chase after absconders named Modi?
RWA member 3: Never mind that, all our chowkidars are up in arms, raising their lathis and demanding a raise otherwise they say they will blow the whistle on all those nocturnal visits that take place in the colony.
RWA Member 4: What b…..ds. I pay them to keep quiet and this is what I get? Oops, sorry, I was going to say they do a great job.
RWA member 1: The change I see is amazing; these were poor, unemployed people quite happy to have a watchman’s job which is a 12-hour shift, and their only request used to be for some extra Odomos. Now, they are repeating Modi’s mantra mai bhi chowkidar and making outrageous demands.
RWA member 3: Like what?
RWA member 1: Designer uniforms to start with. One new one each day.
RWA Member 4: They also want their tea served in cups which say main bhi chowkidar like the Railways do.
RWA member 5: What I find peculiar is that my neighbour is a minister in the Modi government. She already has four chowkidars outside her house but now she has changed her nameplate to read main bhi chowkidar, so that makes five. At this rate we will be a nation of chowkidars just like Britain was a nation of shopkeepers.
RWA Member 4: I am worried about this trend. We have had any number of robberies, rapes and car thefts in the colony and not one arrest. Chowkidars in general do not have a great reputation for ensuring security so why Modi choose it is something of a mystery, like demonetisation and Kalyan Singh.
RWA Member 4: All our chowkidars were there for status and to give us a false sense of security, but now with this main bhi chowkidar business catching on they are starting to act like Modi and do things he is famous for.
RWA member 3: Like what?
RWA Member 4: The other day, I caught my chowkidar hugging a man like he’d found a long lost friend.
RWA member 3: That’s pretty harmless.
RWA Member 4: The man is the most notorious pickpocket in the area. Which explains why my chowkidar came running to ask for a salary advance.
RWA member 1: Why could the PM have just stuck to being a chaiwala? Now, he’s got us all in hot water.