Monday, December 11, 2023
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The End of Days

The End of Days
Anthony Lawrence
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Dilip Bobb
~By Dilip Bobb


Nowadays, there seems to be a day for everyone—nary a day passes when it is not dedicated to person, place or thing—Teacher’s Day, Children’s Day,  Friendship Day, Yoga Day (courtesy Mr Modi), Mother’s Day, Mother of a Day, et al. It seems like we are celebrating something 365 days a year, which is quite remarkable considering there is nothing all that much to celebrate—except Independence Day, of course. Now, we have some more suggestions that were sent on, wait for it…, Suggestion Day! Here they are, in no particular order or disorder.

Nirmala Sitharaman Day: Judging by the hype and hoopla, India has just appointed someone as defence minister who is a combination of Joan and Arc, General Manekshaw and Winston Churchill. That should make us sleep a lot better at night but now it seems we need a day to celebrate, as in Nirmala Sitharaman Day, as suggested by a number of people. There have been women defence ministers before, Indira Gandhi of course, and Smriti Irani who is/was a one-woman army without the portfolio, but the way the media is playing up the latest cabinet appointment suggests that the day is not far when the government declares a Nirmala Sitharaman Day when women shall come out in force, armed and ready for battle.

Risk Takers Day: Original suggestion was to have a Demonetisation Day but it was argued that it would not be appropriate to celebrate an action which caused so much misery and havoc and was done in secrecy.  The day was saved, literally, by Prime Minister Narendra Modi when he said that he will continue to take such risks since they were for the good of the country. Those who make up these calendars promptly suggested changing it to Risk Takers Day since it sounded a lot more upbeat and positive. On Risk Takers Day, people will take extreme risks—board a train, surf during floods, transport cows, be a fearless journalist or rationalist, get medical treatment in a government hospital in UP, become a leftist student leader in JNU or breed mosquitoes in Delhi. After all, it’s for the good of the country.

Bureaucrats Revenge Day:  This suggestion emerged after the latest episode of Game of Thrones a.k.a cabinet reshuffle, which saw the largest number of ex-bureaucrats becoming ministers. Some saw it as yet another bold, risk-talking step, while the contrary view was that it suggested that the BJP was bereft of bench strength, unlike the Indian cricket team. The truth is that it was only confirming what every Indian knows—the Indian Civil Service runs the country, Modi has only made it official.

Troll Free Day: There are those who keep demanding Toll Free days but what we really need is a day free from internet Trolls. Thanks to the anonymity of social media, the army of trolls who have emerged from the void since the swearing-in of the BJP government are swearing at everyone who is critical of the government. They are ubiquitous, and abusive, and the latest example of their twisted minds is how wildly they celebrated the murder of a woman journalist. Here’s the kicker—they even trolled a BJP minister who condemned the murder! Troll Free Day, a day without their poisonous posts will be a welcome reminder of what it is like to live in a civilised society. Raghuram Rajan has coined a perfect word for them—idiocracy.

Cow Protection Day: It would seem that we need protection from the cow protectors, but these days one is not allowed to have a beef against anything remotely bovine in nature or appearance, never mind taste. The cow has become the national symbol, the national animal, the nationalist’s weapon, the national anthem and a political priority for a government busy creating a new India. No need to suggest a Cow Protection Day, the government will do it soon enough—already we have advisories to foreign tourists by our newly inducted minister of state for tourism, to eat all the beef they want before coming to India. And he hails from Kerala where it is almost the national dish. Food for thought.

New India Day: Also known as Acche Din, a day spent in joyous celebration of the New India, in which black money has been eliminated, corruption has ended as has terrorism, there’s Rs 15 lakh in every Jan Dhan account, China and Pakistan are cowering in fear, every city is a Smart City digitally attached to an Aadhaar card, and a new country, divinely blessed, emerges from the ashes left behind by Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi. It will be celebrated each year on May 26, the day this government was sworn in.

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