Sunday, February 5, 2023
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A friend in the White House

A friend in the White House
Illustration: UdayShankar
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~By Dilip Bobb


What exactly did President Donald Trump and Prime Minister Narendra Modi say to each other? Unlike Trump’s conversation with Nawaz Sharif, gleefully trumpeted by Pakistan media, his telephonic exchange with Modi remains in silent mode. Now, thanks to a distinctive mole, the conversation can be uploaded. Excerpts:

Trump: Hi, I’m terrible with these foreign names but I’m told you are called Namo for short? Fantastic name, Hindus have fantastic names, I love Hindu, fantastic people…

Modi: Thank you, Mr President, yes I had to shorten my name after the media got after me for a suit I wore while sitting with your predecessor. It had my full name monogrammed…

Trump: We have much in common. Fake media, fake news. Plus, I like my monograms, it’s on all my buildings. Talking of buildings, we need to build on the relationship between the US and India. You have a great reputation and you are a terrific guy, according to my friend Putin. India is a fantastic country, fantastic place. Hindus are the most intelligent people, your country is amazing. All the Hindus I know are fantastic people.

Modi: Thank you, yes Hindu civilisation is an ancient one and we invented many wondrous things in the Vedic ages, but I have to tell you…

Trump: Do you remember what I said in my campaign speech in New Jersey, that the Hindu community will have a bigly friend in the White House?

Modi: Yes, I remember but I have to tell you….

Trump: I also hear you’re pretty big on social media, just like me. I like to tweet my executive decisions. I can tell we are going to be great friends, best friends, BFF. Have I told you how much I love Hindu…

Modi: Yes you have, but I need to tell you something about India…

Trump: I know all about India, I have some luxury properties there, just my name, someone else’s money, that’s the art of the deal. I must send you a monogrammed copy of my book. The fantastic thing about India is that it has been a great friend to the United States in the fight against Islamic terrorists..Great friends, BFF…That’s why I love Hindu…

Modi: Yes, we must be united against terrorism but I need to point out…

Trump: By the way Namo, I am so excited to be working with you. I hear you have been very energetic in reforming India’s bureaucracy. Amazing, fantastic. I am doing some serious bureaucratic trimming right here in the United States. Making America great again.

Modi: I am also making India great, without the again. I still need to point out that we have a lot of minorities here as well.

Trump: I know the feeling. Some bad dudes are in this country, drugs, guns, counterfeit currency, cross-border crime.

Modi: Exactly. Wish I could build a wall between us and that country which encourages terrorism.

Trump: Sorry, my geography isn’t that great. Which country?

Modi: Hint. It is not on the list of seven I hear you are planning to ban immigrants from but it would be nice if it can be on the list you are working on for Extreme Vetting. Talking about extreme vetting, I have some concerns about your proposals on visas.

Trump: Not to worry, you don’t need a visa to visit me in America. You have a best friend in the White House now, not that Muslim immigrant from Kenya.

Modi: Not my visa, the H1B ones.

Trump: Hey, I’m thinking of doing you guys a favour. My guys have proposed doubling the salary they get. Isn’t that great! As I said, you Hindus have a friend in the White House.

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