Above: Image by Pexels from Pixabay

By Dilip Bobb

When Congress leader and India’s acknowledged ace wordsmith Shashi Tharoor made his now famous remark about an “exasperating farrago of distortions”, he was talking about a journalist who had targeted him unfairly but his words could well be a description of India, where “yes” can often mean “no” and where social distortions undermine what is an ancient and inspirational culture and history. A collection of one-liners taken from various sources offer a satirical view of the country, some exaggerated, others sadly true. Here’s a sampling.

• If you gave a gun, you can rob a bank, if you have a cooperative bank, you can rob everyone.
• The only country in the world where people fight to be classified as “backward”.
• Where the health of the economy is determined by the box office collection of Bollywood movies.
• Where a crime like lynching is not a crime at all since it is a foreign word and therefore not applicable to Bharat.
• Only country where the Right to Information Act is diluted and ignored on the grounds that the government is so transparent in its dealings that it is not required at all.
• Where a look at the Sunday matrimonial pages of newspapers is the best way to quantify how divided India really is.
• Where the lack of jobs and rising unemployment is diluted by the argument that it provides people with more family time.
• Where rising fuel costs are actually a healthy sign since it encourages people to walk, or plog, and create a cleaner, less crowded India.
• In India, you don’t cast our vote, you vote your caste.
• It is one country where the streets and traffic suggest that everyone seems to be in a tearing rush, yet no one is ever on time.
• Being one in a million in India means that there are 1241 Indians just like you.
• Where school books in the state where he was born contain teachings that Mahatma Gandhi committed suicide.
• A country where liking a Facebook post and sending messages on WhatsApp get you arrested, while raping does not.
• Only country where you need to look both sides while crossing a one-way street.
• In India, you will find two types of roads: Under Construction and Under Repair.
• The country where being a TikTok star guarantees you a ticket to contest elections.
• In India, onions and tomatoes can cost you Rs 80 a kilo but you can get a SIM card for free.
• Only country where the mood of the nation and the stock index can both be influenced by the outcome of a cricket match.
• India is one country where parents spend more on their daughter’s marriage than what they spend on her education.
• In India, success is relative. The more the success, the more relatives you seem to have.
• In India, it is considered dangerous to talk to strangers, but it’s perfectly fine to marry one.
• The one country where the auto industry is collapsing because of Uber and Ola.
• Where the country’s Home Minister asserts that only someone with a 64-inch chest can take brave decisions.
• The ultimate irony—in a land that has given birth to 1.2 billion people, sex is still a taboo subject.
• Only country where politicians divide the people while terrorism unites them.
• Only country where people can contest elections while serving a prison sentence.
• Uniquely, it is India’s diversity which keeps the country together.