~By Dilip Bobb
The original Commandments were handed down on stone tablets and were ten rules for people to lead a satisfying and fulfilling life. Today, that translates into acche din and is inscribed on a tablet PC. Only by following them could one reach the promised land, or moksha. Here are the new Ten Commandments adjusted for inflation and the new rules of politics.
- There is Only One God. Thou shall worship no other God than me, for fear of being ostracised, arm-twisted or declared an anti-national. There are other pretenders to the throne but I am the only one with “Wave” and “Magic” after my name. Be like the NRIs and the bhakts and chant my name multiple times whenever doubts creep into your mind or when other creeps declare themselves rivals to my rule. Doubting Thomases are to approach Amit Shah, Yogi Adityanath, Sambit Patra, Arnab Goswami or members of FICCI for therapeutic consultations.
- Thou Shalt Not Lose an Election. In the BJP Bible it is written, “When elections are lost, let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving”. Here are the golden rules to follow in the rare event of losing an election: Blame it on an “unnatural alliances”, warn voters in upcoming elections of the dangers of a “khidchi” alliances, and blame caste factor for losses, as loud as we trumpet “vikas” when we win.
- Be Arrogant in Defeat. People like strong leaders, they also like arrogant leaders. That is why our trolls harp on phrases like “pappu” to denigrate the quality of humbleness in leadership. In the event of a shock defeat, thou shall take a Yogi-like posture and admit to “over-confidence” and misreading the pulse of the people, and not lack of development or toilets.
- Condemn the Congress. Thou shalt constantly seek to dishonour the Holy Trinity, the Mother, Son and Holy Ghost (a.k.a Priyanka), for sins of omission and taking of commissions. Also lose no opportunity to blame the Congress when things are not doing well. Thou shalt also trumpet the fact that dynasties are a disaster for the country and that a single married man with a 56-inch chest who sleeps four hours a day, does yoga every morning and wears designer outfits is a better option.
- Reject the False Prophets. Apart from politicians, there are those who are spreading falsehoods about our future and writing our epitaph in lengthy op-ed newspaper columns and television debates. They should know we have ways to bring them back onto the correct path. Check with Amit Shah.
- Thou Shalt Pursue a Vigorous Foreign Policy. This will consist of embracing every world leaders within arm’s reach and subjecting them to a fierce hug, as in BFF. This will make it difficult for them to unfriend India. It will also include planting supporters who are authors or intellectuals in the audience whenever RG addresses an audience in his international outreach. Confuse him with facts that are fake or questionable, and hope that he does not know the difference.
- Thou Shalt Cultivate the Marginalised. This is crucial to our aim of Target 370 in 2019. To achieve this we need to cultivate the marginalised, the Dalits, Lower OBCs, MBCs and EBCs. Some of them may not know they are marginised and dare to grow manly moustaches, but they shall be cut to size and brought into the fold, for as the Bible says, hair today, gone tomorrow.
- Thou Shalt Party With Defectors: There’s nothing like the present, or presents, like Rajya Sabha seats, to encourage vote getters from other parties to jump ship and join us in celebrating democracy and the anti-defection law. Defectors like Narayan Rane and Naresh Agrawal may not gel with our claim of being a party with a difference, but if we are to make it in 2019, they will make a difference to the party.
- Thou Shalt Make Me PM for Life: Anything Xi can do, I can do better. As they say, Hindi-Chini Hai Hai, so after 2019, raise your voices and demand I be made PM for life since the Bible says, for mine is the kingdom, the power and the glory.
- Thou Shalt Remember the Tenth Commandment: Repeat it every morning —Achhe Din Aane Wale Hain.